A Love/Hate Relationship

Trent and Becca have a love/hate relationship: Becca loves Trent and Trent hates Becca.

When we first brought Becca home, I guess we went into a honeymoon stage. Trent was very sweet to his baby sister and took a lot of pride in being a Big Brother. Well- officially, the honeymoon stage has worn off. Trent still finds a pride in being called a Big Brother, but he does not, in fact, enjoy being a big brother (I guess he decided the title is more exciting than the actual role).

The issue for Trent doesn't appear to be jealousy. Nope, Trent is not jealous. Trent is possessive and Becca can now get his toys!! This serious issue as far as Trent is concerned.

If you spent any amount of time at home with us, this is what you would see: Becca crawling around the floor happily. Trent playing contently on the couch. Just one month ago, this arrangement would work out beautifully. Trent would have been safe playing on the couch, but no more. Now, Becca will notice Trent and start to crawl over to him. She LOVES her big brother! The moment Trent sees Becca even starting to move towards him, the screaming begins. You would think that Becca is actually torturing him and causing him pain. But the thought of Becca touching his toys (or him for that matter) is torture to Trent. I am working on Trent sharing with Becca, without much success. So my current strategy: allow Trent to express his dislike towards Becca but insist that he is kind to her regardless. This is working to a point. Trent is not harming Becca, unless you count the damage of his horrific screaming does to our ears!

On a positive note, Trent tells me regularly that he will love Becca when she is bigger.

Another positive note, his dislike of Becca motivates him to beat her at everything. For example, he is super quick getting dressed because it would be mortifying if Becca won him getting dressed. This means, I can avoid all battles with Trent if I can make my request into a contest with Becca. Some may say I am exploiting my child dislike for his sibling, but if it helps avoid meltdowns, I'll take it.

Overall, I feel bad for Trent. He is trying really hard to like Becca. He is also trying to find his role as a middle child. This is a big adjustment for him, and I am proud that he can resist the urge to harm his sister, even when he is so angry with her. We will start with that success and work towards him liking his sister someday.